Western Dating in an Eastern World

She just sent me a text message on the phone she bought me and I am refusing to text her back. Welcome to the Western version of dating.

One thing I have always hated about dating in America is the games we play. We refuse to show someone how we truly feel because I believe, that deep down, we want people to prove to us that they love us and if we show them how we feel they won’t work for our affection. Here, in Seoul, this has not proven to be the case. She likes me, I know this, she tells me every day…she also brings me coffee and cakes at work to keep me happy.

Perhaps it has to do with the mindset that comes with speaking a language that assumes politeness and a mutual respect/affection, or perhaps it has to do with centuries of male domination…but it seems that girls here assume that if they hang out with you, then they like you. There are no games. They won’t tell you they like you, they just show you and assume that if you aren’t screwing someone other then them then you must feel the same way.

As a man, we are in control.

She told me that when we walked together she worried that because I just draped my arm around her shoulder rather than grab onto her arm and hold her tightly that I didn’t care about her that much. She told me that Korean guys do that.

To me that shows the guys are afraid the girls are going to run away but to her it is a sign of affection. Perhaps this arm thing is just a different form of a game but compared to what I have gone through back home this is nothing. And the fact that she told me to hold her tighter or she’d feel under appreciated blows any notions of games out of the proverbial duck soup…American girls would never say something like that unless the relationship was really serious (and the people were very needy…maybe she’s just very needy…but I doubt it…she’s too confident for that).

When I asked her if she wanted to go to dinner she asked “this is my choice?”

Um, yes…you are an adult and can make your own decisions, if you don’t want to go out, or have other plans, then you don’t have to go…apparently I was supposed to tell her that we were going out to dinner…what time and where

The hell? I only know like 3 restaurants in the entire city and they all involve the words pizza, Mcdonalds and tacos. “I may need your input on this decision,” I told her.

There are no games, I am in control…but if you know me then you know I hate this. Although I hate the American/Western games we play, this does not tell the entire story. I hate dating games the way Keith Richards hates heroin. In other words, I am not stopping them anytime soon, and in fact need a new transfusion of drama every six months in order to maintain my sanity, just how Richards needs new blood every six months in order to stay alive.

(I know the Keith Richards story is false…but it’s still a damn good story)

I demand drama, I crave questions, I thrive off the game and the chase and convincing some girl who is otherwise insane that I am someone special. Here, I am not special…I am a male and that makes me the one in charge; but I am still just one other dominating male out of 8 million others.

So welcome to the games I play. Back home I am one of the best. Here? I am not so sure…hopefully this works…maybe I’ll wait an hour and then text her back…



Filed under Culture, Narratives

4 responses to “Western Dating in an Eastern World

  1. is the girl korean?

    you try estern dating, full of traditions, yet very fun. welcome to asia.

  2. yah she is…very slowly getting used to it

    She actually has a pretty solid western understanding and I have so far been able to explain the times when I’m an idiot…I like it so far

  3. Saksa

    I can’t believe you have a korean girlfriend. You work fast matty p!

  4. Pingback: Superficiality Matters #4: Cute Korean Girl Mystique « Your Daily Shot of Soju

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