Teaching In Korea: 6 Month Review pt. 1

From the guy who brought you…?

It’s my six month review of teaching in Korea. Broken into a couple different parts/sections for easy digestion.

Today, I focus on the students who frequent the hallways and drink out of my coffee mug when I’m obviously looking at them. Horrified that I am now forced to walk down the wind tunnel they call a hallway; to the nurses office, who believes I speak perfect Korean for some reason; to wash my cup. Screw you kids, I hope you never learn English because then I might have to actually talk to you. Anyways, I suppose this is as good a place as ever to start.

Things students do that would get their ass kicked in American schools:

It’s called the Ddong Chim. Loosely translate it means “Shit Needle.” Imagine, if you will, for a moment what that could possibly entail.

The Ddong Chim is Korea’s answer to the shocker ( you know, two in the pink one in the stink) and with two hands.

Ever had a ten year old try to ram his fingers as far up your butt as possible? If you answered no to that question you are obviously not me.

moving on.

Things students do that would get them suspended from American schools:

Well, since this list is pretty long lets just go with short phrases.

That time three students tackled me as I walked out of my classroom.

That time a student started yelling out “Fuck” in the middle of English class.

That time a student tripped the handicapped kid as he walked past his desk.

That time a student called a girl in the class pig and then threw his textbook at her.

That time we played a team game, and one of the students got a wrong answer. He was reprimanded by his team by being piled on and pummeled for 15 seconds.

Things that would just get students outright expelled from school in America:

Those four inch blades that every student carries around with them. When I was teaching in the states last year we had to suspend a kid for 3 days for lying that he had a knife in his locker. These kids carry around with them utility knives every where they go. You ask them to cut some paper for a project and suddenly your in the middle of Uncle Bob’s Vietnam flashback, only with less pot.

Top 5 things I like about my students:

5: Sometimes they bring me candy

4: They frighten easily

3: When they run around my classroom, try to stop and turn, and then keep sliding, because my floors are so dusty, and run into a wall.

2: They teach me about Korean Pop Music like they were Chuck Norris teaching me how to get a total body workout

1: They repeat everything I say.

Top 5 things I hate about my students:

5: When they say “Nice to meet you” even though we’ve met 5 times already that day

4: They try and follow me home and it’s getting more and more difficult to lose them

3: They try to play “Sudden Attack” on my computer and close out my applications to get more memory…while I’m sitting right at the computer using it

2: They don’t understand English

1: um…that thing where they try and stick your fingers up your ass

Do you want to stick your fingers up someones Ass but don’t want the embarrassing smell?:

Now, try the Ddong Chi Game!

ddong-chim.gif
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4 Comments

Filed under Culture, Education

4 responses to “Teaching In Korea: 6 Month Review pt. 1

  1. V

    Best game EVER!

  2. top 4 things I love about my students:
    1. Back to Kindergarten art lessons! Because even though you are 15 years old, y’all don’t understand a single thing that I say!
    2. It’s March and you still don’t understand what it means to repeat after me but you tell your friend to fuck off sheebah within the first 10 minutes!
    3. you don’t approach me in public even though you stop and stare in the soybean paste aisle of Homever!
    4. You refer to me as yo, yo Jackieee! or Jackie Unni! And no longer Jackie Teacher!

    top 4 things I loathe about my students:
    (refer to above.)

    I love ddong chim, but in my hood, I’ve seen my share of ‘penetration.’ Our kids should hang out one day.

  3. Maya

    i blame the parents….
    for letting them get away with everything!

  4. Jinny

    omg lololololololol as a korean who lived in korean until age nine i found this hilarious and weirdly nostalgic. it also kind of sounds like your kids think of you as an equal if they are trying to ddong-chim you. anyways. you sound like a funny guy.

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