Bitch Slapping North Korea

North Korea expels South Korean diplomats. They fly fighter jets within ten miles of South Korean airspace. They threaten to “not merely plunge everything into flames, but reduce it (the South) to ashes.” Just another week in North vs. South Korean politics. Really, I don’t care.

As an American I’m used to being threatened. Hardly a week goes by that someone doesn’t want to smite me in some sort of Jihadist hell storm. I’m over it. I’ve even gotten over the fact that I most likely am not eligible for those 77 virgins I would get if I were a good Muslim boy.

This is the first time, however, that I’ve been threatened in such a way and also happen to be within mid-range striking distance of said threatener. You could see how the circumstances of this situation are different. I am not worried.

Countries that typically make demands have two ways of getting what they want: guns and money.

North Korea has no money. South Korea does. North Korea is upset that South Korea has stopped giving them money. Hence the recent flap. North Korea has threatened to attack South Korea if they do not start giving them money again. This sounds like old fashioned bank robbing to me, but with bigger guns. This brings us to guns.

North Korea has guns, which is the only reason they have any relevance in the world. Maybe North Korea will attack the South, but I’d doubt it; at least, not until the next Summer Olympics when China would be more likely to back them. For all their human rights violations I think even China realizes that while the West might not care about some dead monks enough to boycott the games a nuclear war right on it’s doorstep might be enough to warrant a phone call or something.

“President Hu! The Americans are calling. I think they want to cancel the games!”

“Don’t pick up, pretend we are not here.”

People keep saying this is a delicate political issue, but it feels like a case of the trees blocking the forest.

I guess I just don’t understand what North Korea has to gain by all it’s posturing. It’s not like Iran or other Middle Eastern countries that at least have oil and religion to protect. North Korea literally has nothing. They don’t even have the saying “beggars can’t be choosers.” I know this, because they are choosy ass beggars. Supposedly, that’s what makes them so dangerous. They’re the beggar with the gun. Not only that, they’re a crazy beggar with a gun. A sane beggar would take the hand outs given to them, drop their gun and shut their mouth. You can’t deal with crazy people, guns or not. So why try? What have we accomplished or changed so far?

What does the South, or anybody, have to gain by helping them? Couldn’t everybody just collectively decide to ignore North Korea until they give in send us all fruit baskets and apologies? That makes much more sense to me than anything else that has happened. If China wants to take care of them, then let them. They can have North Korea, we’ll take Palestine. At least Palestine makes some sort of sense to me.

While I appreciate the new South Korean Presidents hard line against North Korea, I really think that no line would be better. It’s like when my little sister was bothering me as a child. If I responded in any way, good or bad, she continued to bother me but if I ignored her all together then she left and I could get onto more important things, such as who would win in a giant war between my GI Joe figures and my Ninja Turtles? A mystery that is unsolved to this day.

Everything I need to know about North Korea, I learned in Kindergarten.

I suppose there’s more to it than just that, but what? Reunification? Nuclear War? Human Rights Abuses? Nothing anybody has been doing for the past 50 years has changed any of these issues in regards to North Korea. So can we please try something new? Ignore them, let me know if the war starts and, until then, let me get back to my Ninja Turtles.



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One response to “Bitch Slapping North Korea

  1. Pingback: Weekly Blog Roundup « Your Daily Shot of Soju

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