I’ve mentioned before a few ways I could potentially die here in Korea, but they were all based around urban myths and fans. Hardly solid facts.
There are plenty of ways I could die in Korea. If I were a gambling man, which I am, I might even wager on some of the more probable ways. That way, my loved ones could benefit in the case of my death.
So, without further ado here are the potential ways I could die in Korea and their odds. A few rules though. The ways must be specific to Korea, so no heart attacks. Also, no myths or legends. Fan death need not apply.
Drunk Old Men – 50/1
They exist in every culture, true. However, here in Korea they take on a life of their own. They burn down buildings and harass foreigners. Dating a Korean girl does not make me a better person in their opinion.
I could definitely take them in a fight, and if push comes to shove I could just run. However, with the proper numbers and surroundings I suppose they could take me down. Or just burn down my apartment.
Which brings me to
Apartment Fires – 25/1
There are no fire escapes in my building, no smoke alarm in my apartment and there are maybe 2 fire extinguishers that are supposed to cover 7 floors. My school caught on fire a few weeks ago and not a single alarm went off. How did I know there was a fire you wonder? When ten fire trucks showed up in our parking lot.
My escape plan consists of me jumping out of my window to a tree 7 feet from my building and climbing down. I find it far superior to my “shimmy down the cable wire outside my window” plan.
Starving to death from too much Korean MTV – 10/1
I don’t have any groceries and I’m hungry. Still I have to watch the new Epik High video that just came on for the 3rd time in the past hour and a half.
Tidal Wave – 250/1
One just took out 7 people on the Western coast of Korea. However, I’m a pretty strong swimmer and Japan blocks most of the really big waves. Also I don’t have any plans of going near the ocean anytime soon. But you never know.
Galbi Restaurants – 100/1
An open burner + lots of alcohol + my face = death
Nuclear Strike – 80/1
I’ve already stated that I don’t think North Korea would ever do anything. At least not until the Olympics are done. I still am within striking distance of medium range missiles, so it has to get mentioned.
(sidenote: in the event of nuclear strike winnings will be paid out in twinkies)
Accidental Shooting – 150/1
Let’s see, Fresh Army Recruits…check
Gun cleaning and drills in the middle of my school yard on a bi-weekly basis…check
Soju…probably not, but you never know
Disease – 25/1
Not necessarily from Korea, but just the other day China took measures to control the spread of a disease in it’s Eastern areas that had been killing children. I am not a child and I am relatively healthy, but mutations do occur. We share the same continent with India, Laos, China, and even African diseases could make their way here given enough time. Also, I really like chicken.
Nanobots – 300/1
You know nanobots? Those tiny robots they’re tinkering with that will be small enough to fit inside a person brain and potentially cure diseases (say the optimists)? Doesn’t it seem like Dr. Doom should be the head engineer on this program?
The technology is still many years away, but Korea is ahead of the curve when it comes to technology. Plus Japan, the leader in Nano-technology, is a 90 minute fairy ride away. For all I know I could already be infected with millions of these things. So if this post sucks, blame them.
Delivery Men, Taxi Drivers and Buses – 2/1
I’m actually surprised I haven’t been hit yet. Traffic kills all over the world, but I’ve never been anywhere else like this. Sidewalks are not pedestrian areas. That motorbike behind me just honked and told me to get off the sidewalk.
Traffic lights are optional. While this is sweet when you’re riding in the taxi, they are hell when you’re trying to cross the street. Not even school zones stop them.
And if taxis and motorbikes are the Velocoraptors of Korean traffic, buses are the T-rex. They can’t get you in as many places, but get too close to the curb and you could find one barelling right towards your head.
Now accepting bets